I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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