It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
