So drunk its hurt
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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