with your own penis?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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