I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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