Everything about him screamed your future.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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