In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
