Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
