I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
