He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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