What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
