I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize