K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
