but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
