I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
