I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
