Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
