The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
