One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
