I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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