I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
