As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
