4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
