What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
