Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
