You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so explain again why im purple
no
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
