yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
