Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
