Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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