i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
