The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
