My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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