Porn is love you can see.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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