My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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