I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
