We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
