I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
