Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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