ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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