Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
