dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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