well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
