i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
