I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's official drugs can't kill me
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
