also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who died my cat blue again?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
