I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
