So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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