I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
