Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
