Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize