i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Can I color on your dick again?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
