I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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