It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
