People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
