Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
