Will you blow on my dice?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
