Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
