I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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