Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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