i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
