Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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