My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
