Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
