bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
