Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
