At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
