The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize