Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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