i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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