The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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