I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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