I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Screwed.edu
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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