Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
