i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
