I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
