he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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