Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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