We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
