Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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