there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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