That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
