i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
