please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
