The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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