you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
NoShamevember. You game?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
