I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
