in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
