That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
