She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
