I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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