Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
